Friday, 9 November 2007

Rave reviews - Shocking & Spanking the Monkey

Feel free to enjoy the song "Shock the Monkey" from the album "When Pigs Fly" (different versions), while you read. Thank You.

  • Warning: The following article has been classified by the Koreksia National Censor Board - 18.PG.SX

The recent winding-up speech at the United Communist Notional(sic!) Organ orgy, has drawn rave reviews in the "grate" media - newspapers, television, radio, magazines, tabloids, paparazzi, and what not were all hysterical in their praises- except for one irritating group - the "loggers".

These "loggers" seem to be able to chop down every imaginable "parasitic, twisted idea" that the "Grate Lidder" plants.

Since they aren't too supportive of UCNO fetishes, we shall refrain from using their ammunitions against the "great, beloved, humble and pious leader" of the grate party. We'll deal with them one way or other ....... ehem!

(Yeah man! It was a great lively party - with lots of back-slapping, spanking , stabbing, kinky kissing fetishes and hot chicks too!)

It has to be highlighted that many delegates displayed fetishes of BDSM, ie self-flagellation, Long hard and sharp objects, and as the poetic Deputy Grate Lidder put it, the "honorable" tips of the tongue, "Linggam"(aka “anunya”), Dagger and Bananas. (Speaking of bananas, the monkeys in the background were always fed peanuts only, as seen on the TV screens).

It was indeed a very satisfying event for all monkeys, especially for the Grate Lidder who appeared to be on ALD (aka amphetamine-like drugs, "speed", ecstacy) when his hoarse faltering voice was raised intermittently, to magnify his "firmness" on issues of the day, namely about addictions to cost-efficient labour, subsidies, subtle taxation of the middle class, “ the understandable suppression of 'our friends', stability and parliamentary dumbocracy”.

For those who are ignorant, Please take note that Delegates will be respectfully addressed as Gros. (short for the esteemed title "Granpa of Shiners" that is given for their "servicing" the tools of the "Grate Lidder"). If the title were translated to Bahasa Melayu .... no Malaysia ..... mmmm Melayu ...... - aaah, to hell with it - you know what I mean, right?

The following are the anticipated responses from the footstools of "The Grate Lidder" of Koreksia.

I regret to say that I was not permitted at the venue, as I did not posses such

impeccable reputations, fetishes, heritage and "beliefs". These interviews were downloaded from the UCNO website.

So, here it goes .......

Gros KataNothing:
"It was an extremely progressive winding-up speech by the Grate Lidder -

I could feel it in the depths my loins.

The fragrance of his flatulence was intoxicating, to say the least.

I've come here a couple of times before, but this time was the ultimate feeling. It was

It aroused such passions among the participants, that they all stood up in standing ovulation ..... err, sorry - I meant standing ovation.
Anyway, I'm quite certain that it is obvious to all that the great leader has spent sleepless nights to articulate his passions and love for duty.
All in all, the people should be very proud that we have a man with such dedication to the satisfying climax of the party, and the country as a hole (sic)."

Gros Toupee Value:
" .... I need another stiff one - thank you. (a drink later ....)

As I was saying - it was the very spirit of mutual understanding and dependence that we have succeeded in enriching everybody. We should never question the contract - by the way, you must be aware that we never signed the contract, and so whatever said and done, it is always legal and correct.
Nobody makes mistakes around here .... The Grate Lidder has warned those who questioned the unsigned "contract", and also those who waved their weapons provocatively, as it could frighten the ladies.
He reassured them that the weapon was meant to protect them and not to rape them, as did the pedophiles of late. The Pedophiles and Elopers of UCNO never do such things -

I trust them with my @$$.

As for me, I'm mighty proud that they have offered to protect my black @$$ with their tools of trade, while I have the other smalltime @$$es under mine.
So we can rest @$$ured that the great leader has our @$$es covered - the burial has been delayed, though ..... I'll check if the project has been canceled."

Gros Sukun:
"What you see is an extreme expression of commitment to the people who hunger for a great nation.

It was this amazing unsigned contract that has made all of us rich - when I say us, I mean the country as a Hole.
The Grate Lidder has assured us that all sectors of society will be penetrated, with the available protection of the instruments on display here - the dedication was illustrated and sealed with a kiss. Did you see the spit spraying and mouths frothing? Those are hallmarks of passion, commitment and dedication!
What more could a man .... or woman ask for, huh?
I'm so elated, with such a climax to the hole event."

Gros Prin KaTingan:
The Grate Lidder has renewed his pledge towards

development in the land above the storm.
We don't entertain nonsensical issues about aliens landing on our shores - these were all delusions and lies spread by the "loggers" community.
We have sent a man to space to reassure the people that aliens don't exist. We've even

acquired some submarines to make sure they don't exist in our seas - never mind the fact that some aliens were bombed to smithereens in the process.

In the spirit of space travel, our Deputy Grate Lidder has even coined the phrase, "spaced-out race" - but it sounds better in Bahasa Melayu .... I mean Malaysia ... heh .... heh. The deputy has made it his motto in life to make sure we have a "spaced-out race".
This in memory of our achievements and sacrifices towards taking the people towards greater heights of comfort, using the organs and instruments displayed, with plenty of tender loving care and kisses.
We should never question the use of the Tongkat as the symbol of support for the "spaced-out race". Just don't underestimate the Tongkat - we'll make sure we shove it where the sun don't shine, just like what was done when I did .... ha, hah!

One other notable comment was from Gros SIL-ly - he said that all patriots aka rempits on "kapcais" should continue to get subsidized petrol even after the price has gone up, subsidies removed and Petrobras company has gone bust. According to Gros SIL-ly, "... it is only when we have these patriot on kapcais, can we achieve "spaced-out race" targets! Who else would monkey around our streets to entertain the tourists and showcase our achievements?".

In conclusion I would like to add that many more deserving accolades were dished out to the Grate Lidder, by luminaries such as Gros Badut-din, Gros Mm, Gros KUS (that's the Pariah Party Pooper who was told to get out, but having a fetish for

humiliation, sat through it all), and Gros Kissamudin (who could put the rock band KISS to shame).

Thank Goodness for ALDs, all participants took an active part in the event by laughing at SIL-ly Goblok Banana jokes.

Lastly, whatever their fetishes may be, the sad part of it all is the fact that, good or bad, racist or not, they (UCNO) are the only ones who seem to be having an agenda and methodology, in an environment that has most others “grate leaders” of other parties dancing to the tune of sectarian monkey politics.

I hear someone singing & gloating - "We are the Champions ......"

Quite a Catch-22 situation for the critics .......

Disclaimer: The above is a political parody and purely a figment of a vulgar imagination, equivalent to the fetish of kissing of sharp metal objects in public. All ideas have not been fully thought through. Any likeness to anyone dead or alive is purely coincidental. The writer is willing to withdraw any statement that might be deemed insulting, with apologies.