Friday, 3 December 2010

"Hi, I'm a "tensed" Policeman- Can I whack you?"

"And when Karthik asked why he had assaulted him,....
the policeman told him that he was feeling “tensed”."
~Youth beaten black and blue by 'tensed' traffic cop


With the amount of bad press the police force is getting these days, how can anyone feel safe anymore?
The public perception of indiscipline in the force, is at an alltime high- despite all the reassurances by the Home Minister, who is put in a tight spot. His announcements of "improved performance" and "lower crime" sound more and more like the blatant "Ketuanan Melayu" & "Kontrek So-Sial" lies of churned out by Umno to the media, to whitewash that negative perception.

It appears more & more to the public, that the police force which is supposed to be a disciplined force, meant to serve the King and Country (aka the Rakyat).
After Glenmarie, Kugan, Aminulrasyid, Noodle-seller, etc etc etc - this "tensed" cop whacking an innocent bystander to "release tension", surely takes the cake!! By virtue of the royal patronage, if anything is an insult to the Institution of the Monarchy, this must be IT!!

Please don't get me wrong- I don't mean to belittle the cops.
I've seen some very good ones, and I know for a fact they do a lot to help maintain the security of the country. The cops (especially the ones on the street) are actually under extreme stress - having to go through operasi after operasi with little rest. Often times, "annual leave" or "EL" is not an option for them.
Even "MC" is sometimes deferred, considering the shortage of manpower- due to the epidemic of crime nationwide.

Despite their physical "fitness" (which can be questionable too, in view of the many pot-bellies) one could question their general mental/emotional fitness to carry out their duties under such stressful conditions. That too, they do it carrying firearms. Without their mental fitness, they become walking "Lethal Weapons" ready to snap at anything deemed a provocation- and I guarantee you, many stressed individuals see "ghosts"!!

So now, I'm trying to imagine what "tensed" cops might have done in various situations:-

Act 1, Scene I
Upon seeing Ibrahim Ali beating a traffic light in the name of "Ketuanan Melayu",
on the way to make a "polis repot":

"Salam Datuk- Apa khabar hari ni?
Tolong keluar sikit .... aah, bagus.
Saya ni, agak "tension" sikit ni ...
Saya nak belasah Datuk sikit ya - rawatan- saya belanja, Datuk!
- lepas ni jangan nak buat "polis repot", ya ..."


Act 1, Scene II.
Upon stopping a woman for a traffic offence:
"Hello, Maam- tengok IC dengan lesen...
Lesen/ IC semua ok - tapi ada rekod saman ekor, ya.
Saya tengah 'tension', ni .. tapi kita boleh selesai ya
Selak kain sikit ....
Lepas ni, jangan repot ya ...."


Act 1 Scene III
Upon seeing a kid not using the pedestrian crossing:
"Hoi, budak - mai sini!!
Apahal dgn kau ni- bodoh benar ke?
You tak tahu ke saya "tension" tengok you buat camtu?
Hah- mai bukak seluar .... I nak lepas "tension" sekarang!!
Doktor kat Hospital tu pandai tengok kes-kes camni ..
Pastu, jgn melepas & simpan tiga hari sebelum buat "polis repot" ya ..."


Act 1 Scene IV
Upon seeing some kids on a joyride, tell his partener in the patrol car:
"Cis- budak2 nih .... kurang ajar betul.
Tengah malam2 buta camni pun nak bawak kereta-
orang nak tidur pun tak boleh!! Tension betuuul!!!

Jom kita pi terajang ...
kalau tak lepas tension, pistol ade ,,,, kite lepas ajelah ...
Lepas tu mana dia nak buat "polis repot"-
kite cakap ajelah kat Utusan Meloya, dia tu penyangak!!
Ha ha ha ha!!"


Act 1, Scene V
Upon seeing his boss who's promoting him for a job "well done":
"Tabik, Tuan!
Tuan- Saya tiga hari berturut-turut pergi operasi, Tuan.
Balik rumah, penat. Pagi, kerja lagi.
Balik rumah, isteri merajuk entah kenapa- "tak bagi".
Tuan mintak habuan RM500- tak cukup 'selesai' tadi.
Cuti, Tuan tak 'approve',
MC pun doktor tak bagi tadi, sebab tak sakit-
Tengah "tension" nih, Tuan .....
Boleh saya terajang Tuan?"


Act 1, Scene VI
(The man is now a henchman of an ADC to a VVVIP .... sent to paying a visit to a relative of Genghiz Han who was disturbing a crony middleman, whom she "serviced" once)
'Hi, Darling - you're so pretty & sexy today.
My boss has instructed me to advice you "accordingly", okay- and I'm "tensed".
To make it easier for both of us, also so that I can release my "tension"- I'll help you to disappear okay.
Now all I'm gonna do is- give you a taste cake- the C4 cake ...
Sorry- You can't make a "polis repot" later.


Act 1 Scene VII
Man is now a "top-dog"- sent to 'visit' a VIP in prison:
"How dare you call me 'anjing'- the anjing only carries mattresses, okay!!
Fuyoh- you make me so "tensed" la ... now I'm gonna teach you a lesson!!"
(After pulping the VIP ... and releasing "tension")
"There now ... aren't we all feeling better now - you look as cute as a puppy
with the raccoon eye, and I'm not "tensed" anymore!!


**Sorry for letting my imagination going wild ... I was just having fun, okay.