Friday, 4 January 2008

Open letter to God (Malaysian Edition)

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
-Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Following the Equator (1897)

Dear God,
Firstly, I'd like to wish you a very good day or whatever you call it in heaven.
Please take note that this letter is being written while I'm having my regular medical-dose of the "stengah" (I recommend Chivas or Tiger beer), to assist in the process of "meditation". Might've recommended Mary Jane, had I been in Jamaica or Holland - places I hope to meet you some day.

Allow me to humbly apologize for my homo sapien ignorance - I really don't know which religion you belong to, unlike the "wise guys" to have regular communications (via teleconference facilities) with you and other friends, at their closed (possibly hotel) door private meetings, with or without any fancy outfits.

I'd also like to apologize for the fact that being a Malaysian "Kufr", I'm not permitted to call you "ALLAH". This is due to the fact that, due to the prevalent sentiment (aka "UMNO Baru culture") it is a word that has been reserved for Muslims (I really don't know if it is meant only for the "mukmeen", or also for the "munafeeq" as well), where Malaysia is concerned.

The weird part of it all, is the fact that Lina Joy and Azhar Mansor (and numerous others in secret) can legally do so, at their whim and fancy - simply because they were born into a certain "tribe"(as the Honourable Foreign Minister would put it on BBC). I object to such double standards. On second thoughts, their only other option is to be given an early appointment to meet you (by your defenders) to sort out the problem ....

Anyway I've got no problems with that - but I suppose my "brothers and sisters" in Sabah and Sarawak do. I also pity the confusion among non-Muslims from the Arab states who would visit Malaysia- they could possibly be arrested for not knowing that your name changes when they cross into Malaysian borders.

To prevent your flock from being arrested, I shall suggest to those in the travel/ tourism industry to print in bold, on all tickets to Malaysia the required information.
I shall also advise the honorable Minister of Tranport to instruct all entry points/ flights/ ports to make the neccessary announcements to all who are Alien to "Malaysian culture/ mental health". A memo with regard to this matter shall be sent via a (govt approved) courier ASAP, i.e. through the next "UMNO Baru" member who kicks the bucket.

Who said you were Almighty .... now the Malaysian Govt (aka UMNO Baru, I think) is giving you a run for the money .... sorry - for your omnipotence, I guess.
Speaking of mental health - how come our former Minister of Health is accusing all and sundry for plotting his downfall, and doesn't seem to blame you for the "blessings" that you endowed him with?

How could he, (being a doctor on top of that) have expected the people accept his apology, to tolerate sexual promiscuity/ philandering, and allow him to remain in a coveted post? Had he lost all sense of shame and decency, or did you forget to insert the software into the "hardware"? Has he (and many others in the Malaysian Corridors of Power) forgotten that they should have exemplary behaviour, and be seen to be incorruptible?

LKY down south would've used the expression "whiter than white", to describe the character required of a leader - obviously, you inserted a different software for Singaporeans, eh?

On the other hand, it could've been your nemesis, who corrupted the Malaysians' software, after they joined the "band of tuans, taikos and thalaivars" in politics after kicking Singapore out ..... that sounds more like it.

Getting back to CSL, with all the cribbing, I'm certain that he didn't resign voluntarily - so much for the God-fearing "honorable actions" of humility and accountability. He must have somehow been faced with the possibility of losing the "blessings" and "heirlooms" - I seriously doubt that it was you who threatened him. He obviously feared for his "jewels", more than you, if that were the case!!!

As far as your abode on earth is concerned, kindly be aware that Hindraf, is on the warpath to defend your rights, even if they are illegal shrines. Anyway they are also very keen on avoiding confrontation with those responsible for these actions, and have skillfully dodged them, by begging the Brits while screaming their guts out locally. Rest assured Dear God, that the "Minister of Hindu affairs" will be making his offerings and penance to you, even as Hindraf offers prayers for his soul. Please God, do not make a mockery of hairstyles, if and when you grant him reincarnation as a wild boar or dog.

By the way, why is it that many bodies (and now, children too) in Malaysia these days, tend to get snatched away by those who are permitted to call you Allah? First, it was Moorthy, then that lady who got sent for rehab, then Subashini. The latest seems to be that of a "one day old" lady in HUKM. (I have a strange feeling that some money matters are involved here).

Anyway - How could you grant the luxuries and opulence of heaven, to one who denied you all her life, gorged herself with the lovely, non-kosher taste of alcohol and pork but for only a day?? The calibration of your Dacing must be so totally screwed-up, like the NEP's "level playing field"!

I don't get it!
That simply isn't fair - I thought that you were fair and compassionate ...... it's like saying that your whole life is worthless, until the very last moment!
No wonder the adulterers, pedophiles, rapist, "sodomists", robbers, the Mona affendys and C4 culprits are unrepentant - did you give them some inside information or what?
Based on this logic, CSL might just become "whiter than white". If he just decides to convert - jumping from one "ministry" to another, each time his zipper fails and is "caught on tape", until the final moment when he chooses "the one true religion". But of course the family could lose the corpse and inheritance lah (depending on which is the last). The same goes for "Angeline Yam aka A. Yam" too!

Lastly, let me stress that I truly appreciate the divine wisdom of your "Malaysian emissaries", in making this "prohibition-of-your-hallowed-name-for-Kufrs" statement after the Visit Malaysia Year is over - now everyone can fly over, and nobody needs to visit Malaysia.

Okay lah God, I think I'll call it a day for now - nice talking to you. Hope to do this again soon.


Your faithful "Kufr",