Friday, 4 July 2008

It's so Sub Jaundice .....


Mr. Lai Si-Foh, a prominent personality was recently interviewed by the Media of Bolehsia, with regard to attempts to "smear his image" with the Magnum P.I.'s SD.
He appeared to "be cool" despite the controversial nature of the allegations .....
Here are excerpts of the interview :-

Media: Good Morning, Sir. Are you disturbed by the recent allegations?

LAI : My response is very simple - we have to practice DENIALS.
Read my rosy pink lips - It's a lie.
I mean L-I-E, even though my name Lai sounds the same - fabrications, Fitnah! WHY NOW? That's the question!

Ha, Ha. You see - I'm still smiling.
I can see that the person accused of having Mee Soto is trying to fabricate stories about me thru Mr. Magnum - now you can see that he has withdrawn "significant" parts - actually all of his SD already.
His new SD was an SD of DENIAL .
Actually, he has effectively called himself a LIAR & a cuckoo!
You saw him - he was so happy today, despite the fact that he was smiling with Anwar yesterday.
Now his credibility is blown to pieces - kaput! Ha, Ha!
It was all so simple to disprove these rumours of malicious intent.
I just have to deny it.
So, No case loh .... heh, heh - you know I donno how to lie, and the people know that!

Even my boss says so .... and of course, as my boss also said that people accused of having Mee Soto will obviously deny it!
And my boss also tells you all to believe what he says now- even though he lied on numerous occasions in the past, about everything.

As for Magnum's SD, he cannot comment, as it may be "sub jaundice".
The question is, "WHY NOW" - you cannot say "Why not now ...".
That's also "sub jaundice" .... I think - if it isn't, I'm sure we can tell Mr. Petai there to cook up a real hot sambal petai with the Mee Soto and put the matter to Rest In Peace.

Media: What have you got to say about the coffee boy who served Mee Soto - that Psyfool character?

Mr. LAI : Yes. He's a "nice" boy - a real sub.
And a Mee Soto flunky from the reputed Soto Uni.
... cute too, I might add. Ha, ha.
Oh - I never had anything to do with him or his SD or report, even though he visits me at my home ...... it was "nice".
He simply did it to save his honor or what's left of it .... ha, ha.
The spin that he was an outstanding member of a religious club doesn't hold anymore, though - his name wasn't in the registry- a mega-conspiracy.
It went missing, just like the Congolian immigra ..... sorry- that cannot be mentioned.
It's sub jaundice or something like that. Ask Mr. Petai - he'll tell you.....

Aah yes, anyway - he was 'distressed'.
His hands which are normally soft, supple and warm was so "seram sejuk" - I won't go into details about other parts of his body, as it may be sub jaundice

The cops can handle the matter - I'm sure they'll do a good job Mee Soto .... heh, heh.
Oh- by the by ... He needed some help you see - I'm sure he was telling the truth, as I inspected him and saw the Mee Soto damage on him.

Yes - Mee Soto makes your hands "seram sejuk".
I speak from my personal experience in certain boys' hostels those days .....
People come to me for help all the time .. they come for all sorts of things - even from Congolia, SWAT teams. Yes .... also on truly explosive issues that need to be handled with care.

Media : How come you have not defended yourself or your Mrs., by suing Mr. Pete for libel or defamation after his SD the other day? The people may perceive you to be a wimp, for not being able to defend your Mrs., don't you think?

Mr. LAI : Mr. Petai can handle that.
I don't have to do anything beyond making denials.
Oh - BTW, Did you hear that his website CongoliaToday was hacked?
That was good, huh?

The people know that I'm not a LIAR, don't have Mee Soto, and help coffee boys who I know normally have warm, soft, supple hands.
Once again, I won't speak of other parts .... sub jaundice - whatever that means ....
As for my Mrs, well, hasn't she said she's got bigger things to handle?
That would lay to rest any doubts about my legendary virility .... ROTFLOL!!

Anyway, in Bolehsia, we just ignore such things - after some time, the people will forget about it when they have to work longer & harder to feed their kids.
They can eat Mee Soto for all I care .....
The people just cannot think when they are tired out, trying to eke out a living ... brilliant, isn't it?
Yes - they'll get too tired to think of what my Mrs or I do in our free time with Congolians or Coffee boys.

Lastly, I must once again ask - WHY NOW?
Those magic words will demolish all allegations ... "be cool".

Media : Thank you, Mr. Lai- err... for such the enlightening revelations.


The above is totally fictional - and I'd make a Statutory Declaration on that. Mind it!
Any semblance anyone alive is purely a coincidence.


In a separate development ......
the following was seen on Malaysiakini:

"Meanwhile, Balasubramaniam’s lawyer, Americk Singh Sidhu, who was with the former yesterday when he made the stunning revelations, was "absolutely unaware" of the latest development.

Americk told Malaysiakini that Balasubramaniam received a phone call from the police soon after his press conference yesterday to report to the Brickfields police station.

"I advised him that as a law-abiding citizen, he should go and see them. So I fetched him to the Brickfields police station at 4.45pm yesterday and I haven’t heard from him since," he said stressing that he has failed to contact Balasubramaniam since this news broke out.

Balasubramaniam's statutory declaration was affirmed before commissioner of oaths Zainal Abidin Muhayat, bearing an address that has been traced to Zul Rafique & Partners - a pro-establishment law firm owned by Zulkifly Rafique who is Federal Territories minister Zulhasnan Rafique's brother."


First statutory declaration made voluntarily: Lawyer
Lawyer Americk Singh Sidhu denied that private investigator P Balasubramaniam affirmed his first sworn statement under duress.
- Malaysiakini

KUALA LUMPUR, July 4 - Our military has no intelligence.
- The Malaysian Insider.

(Note: These words above, were cut & pasted here. These words are no longer there as far as I can see - It may have been a misprint.
It has been edited/ rephrased, and here's an excerpt:
"Salleh went so far as to claim that the military had no intelligence with regards to these matters even though they involved not just top political figures in our country but the government's top executives as these were "criminal cases. The military looks at things related to security, e.g., militants and terrorists. Like you (the press), we are simply monitoring events.")

"As I am familiar with the character of Mr Bala having spent hours with him recording his statement, I am very skeptical that he has signed the second statutory declaration of his own free will and I am convinced he has been intimidated to do so by either threats or promises, as I can think of no other reason.

The commissioner of oaths who attested the first statutory declaration is prepared to confirm what I have stated above as far as the voluntariness of Mr Bala’s statutory declaration is concerned.

In fact Mr Bala recognised the commissioner as soon as he saw him as both apparently grew up in the same neighbourhood in Slim River, which is something I had no knowledge of."
- Americk Singh Sidhu