More of The "God-nundrum" on MT....

RPK recently had two posts on MT's No Holds Barred -What if the shoe was on the other foot?, and 'Hear ye, hear ye, PASOK, Chanatak and Tompios', on the issue of religion. The first appeared to be addressing the difference between "faithful" as opposed to the "faith" and "inter-faith relations". The latter was apparently in response to a comment I made saying "that some people just don't get it, even when you spell it out"(yeah, I know it was just an excuse).
There were of course enough guys who took it as an opportunity to articulate the "superiority" of their convictions/faith/theology, while some others took to becoming "myth busters". It is therefore no wonder at all that there have been so much strife in this world, all because of one factor - the afterworld!!!

"Mind-bending" aside, what transpired in the discussions, was to me, a fascinating insight into some "religious minds" around us - not that I haven't encountered them in some congregations around town before, though. Mind you - these guys aren't "Muslims" (who are often the subject of ridicule by many a non-muslim) though, who object/contest the writings of RPK, but holier-than-thou, (horrors!!!) truly born again, judgemental, "Christians" who hurl fire & brimstone towards the fellow men, while putting themselves on a pedestal!!

(For the information of the "damned" - Incidentally, these guys have booked their seats on "Starship Rapture" to their heavenly suites, for an eternal party with a "God" who has accepted their "offering"). So those of you who need a ticket, just contact these guys, okay .... it doesn't come free or at discounted rates, though - there is often a "10% sales tax imposed by God"!!

To give you a glimpse into the fascinating minds of these guys mentioned above by RPK, here are some (extracts only, though - Catholics, you can read them in full at the above links) comments, with my response to them.
**The first comment below, from the former post by RPK, is to articulate my take on "organized religion" and its relation to politics, statecraft & humanity at large.

##(Grab your Coke & popcorn, guys!)
written by cruzeiro, April 30, 2009 13:38:59

Man by nature are social & spiritual beings – and therefore, “religion” is a necessary evil in philosophy and statecraft, as it provides a “point of reference” - in a “higher authority” beyond man. While the intentions of most religions may be the same, their methods are quite different - depending upon the dominant culture/civilization which dictates the ideology. While many these days see religions as fairy tales, they may not see how the "concept" of religion has helped man evolve from their barbaric way in ancient times.

Kings of old saw the need for religion in giving man "HOPE" and "laws from a higher authority" for the sake of legitimacy in the eyes of the people. That is why we have had Divine/God-kings (or the so-called "berdaulat" in Malay), complete with tales of “miracles” to hoodwink the ignorant masses and instill fear in them. The "ruling class" who become the symbols of "godliness" however, more often than not, scorn the concept of religion and "God"- which to them are simply instruments of statecraft, used to manipulate the masses into submission or fire them up into a frenzy for political reasons. It is because of this that we often see them leading opulent & decadent lives – away from the glare of public eyes – while the masses toil away.

Fairy tales or not, all civilizations of old had religious foundations or orders/laws, upon which their society was built; and that determined their progress - using science & technology. They however only survived as long as the dominant philosophy/religion/school of thought in the state, remained relevant according to the times - and whole civilizations collapsed when they became dogmatic and/or backward looking, and advocated stagnation or refrained from evolving.

The same fate awaits all known religions of today, should they tread the same road taken by failed ideologies of past kingdoms. Despite all these, one has to admit there are forces beyond our comprehension that work in mysterious ways. Science & technology can only reveal small amounts over time - and the states which embrace ideologies which advocate its progress the most (through education), will eventually win the battle of ideas. This is a fact in history no matter how true one may believe his faith is.

Most people think that you can "find" God/peace/truth/humanity/love (call it what you like) through prescribed religion/ rituals, when the truth is you achieve that through spirituality, faith and wisdom. These are people who do things for rewards in the afterlife (whatever that means) & treat "God" as a businessman who trades for praises/worship/dressing.
"God" & religion is as simple as that to them.
No amount of holier/truer-than-thou scripture reading, praying, laws/rules, finger-pointing or politics of "religion" is going to help those who believe in the former - in fact without the latter, it becomes the prescription for trouble (as was seen throughout history).

The following are from the comments section in the latter article:

written by MasterYoda, April 30, 2009 21:01:53
AKIKO,
you asked if i saved? I say YES! I know within me, that if i died tonight, i would be in heaven with Yeshua. its an assurance from the Word of God and deep knowing within my spirit. (its like you know and you know and you know with a shadow of doubt)...

written by cruzeiro, April 30, 2009 22:28:23
Hear! Hear!
Master Yoda has booked a suite in heaven!
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

All you poor souls who don't look at things as MasterYoda - you are damned to the everlasting flames of hell!!

ps
MasterYoda shall meanwhile be battling evil spirits and demons (ala "Angel") till the final judgement - but then again, he may get upgraded to the limited edition express ticket on "Starfleet Rapture"!
The rest of us - we have roast pork in hell .......

BTW MasterYoda,
Don't think people envy you having your express ticket ....

written by chanatak, April 30, 2009 22:42:21
Hi Cruzeiro,
Pleased to let you know that like MasterYoda, I have also been given a berth in heaven.

written by cruzeiro, May 01, 2009 00:13:35
Dang! Chanatak - now there are two less of the limited seats on Starfleet Rapture!
Here I was hoping that I can somehow wangle myself into an extra low cost seat!
Anyways - good for you that you have a suite booked, and it's great that your theology provides the same as that of many others who book their seats through various other methods.
(Actually, even the Taliban and Hamas can suggest a few novel methods to "book seats", too).
Don't mean to say that you did it, but just don't go around with a chip on your shoulder with a holier-than-thou attitude.

Me ... I donno - I'll let the big man decide if I'm good enough. But no way in hell or heaven am I gonna try to bribe him with prayers and worship for a suite in his abode for an eternal party.

You see - there's a big difference between your perception of God and mine, and that makes all the difference. Cross or no cross, foolishness or not, I don't think he's a trader or businessman who decides based on what we believe .... if there is a God, I don't think he's so small as to base his judgements as per human perceptions/understanding/frailties - and I wouldn't presume to know the mind of God. If he's there, I believe that he's definitely gotta be bigger and better than all the earthly religions put together - after all few of them deny having a monopoly of truth.

Anyways - since you have so much faith in your destiny, good for you mate - and nobody can tell you that you're wrong!
Cheers!

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**Cruzeiro hopes the Coke & popcorn were worth it ......

Another "unGodly bushfire" on the front!!!

The Selangor Islamic Religious Council (MAIS) has forbidden the Ahmadiyya Muslim sect to perform Friday prayers at their mosque with immediate effect.
In a letter to the Ahmadiyya dated 24 Apr 2009 made available to The Nut Graph, MAIS said, "If [the Ahmadiyya] fail to comply with, defy or neglect the directive, the council will take legal action without any notice."
In a statement, Ahmadiyya spokesperson Ainul Yakin Muhd Zain said, "We ... feel deeply hurt and aggrieved at this unjust action to deny us our right to perform our religious obligations." MAIS issued its directive on the grounds that the Ahmadiyya mosque did not get the council's approval first.
- The Nut Graph

======================

This is probably the result of "somebody"'s threat to "bury" the sect some time back. These are the "holier than thou characters" who actually sat down with Umno to discuss the formation of a "unity govt", despite having promised to be in the Pakatan Rakyat pact to rule Selangor.
This is a problem in all political parties worldwide, that use religion as their political tool - they need to prove their "correctness" through persecution of the powerless.

The definition of "Islam" as many make it out to be, is debatable. As far as I know (I may be wrong, though) the five "pillars"/rukun, namely -
1. Shahadah,
2. Salah,
3. Zakat,
4. Fasting during Ramadan, and
5. The Haj
- constitute the definition. (But then again some deny that there is such a thing!).
As to where exactly the Ahmadiyyahs fail, I confess that I'm ignorant.
However, I'm quite aware that there are quite significant differences in interpretation of the scriptures (which offends the mainstream Muslims) by the Ahmadiyyahs. It is probably the fact that it is believed that Ghulam Ahmad declared that he is the "Mehdi" - the second coming (or something like that).
It is beyond me as a non-Muslim to touch on that matter.

The problem here is the fact that they profess the "five pillars" and yet are (unconstitutionally) subjected to "excommunication" (as the pope did to "heretics") - although these guys don't recognize the MAIS (or the state) as "the" authority in determining their religion or the validity of their theology. They are also forced to deny their belief of being Muslims, becos MAIS believes that the Muslim public are incapable of discernment, and may fall victim to these peace loving and progressive people.

The said premises they refer to do not "belong" to MAIS. So how is it that MAIS can stop someone from using their own premises to worship as they see fit?
Never mind how idiotic it may sound, but to make matters worse, they are now being threatened to be stripped of their status as "Malays"!!!

The beauty of Malaysia Boleh is this:
Some time back, there was a lady who wanted to declare herself an apostate on her legal documents - she was denied permission as she refused to submit to the Muslim authorities.
Then, now we have a whole community of them being "excommunicated" despite wanting to preserve their Muslim identity and "constitutional privileges".
This leads to the question of constitutional ethnic identity, as unlike anywhere else in the world, Umno wanted the constitution to define the Malay race as one who speaks Malay, practises the "culture of Malays" and professes the Islamic faith as per the "Five pillars of Islam".

Now - the Qadianis do practice the "five pillars of Islam" but interpret the scriptures differently, and are hence declared heretics.
So that means they "are Muslims" and yet "aren't Muslims".
Can you imagine being a Malay and yet not a Malay?

It is logical as some propose, that the Ahmadiyyah/ Qadianis should just consider themselves "non-Muslims" and non-Malay so as to avoid unnecessary persecution - but doing so does prevent them from performing their Haj, marrying fellow Malays/Muslims, using the scriptures in "worship" etc etc etc. (and that isn't a very nice prospect, considering that they have the constitutional right to worship as per their teachings without the interference of authorities).
The plus point here is - they don't have to worry about the "hudud cops" or "mat skodengs"!!!
(just kidding!).

As a final thought - should the Qadiani Community should seriously consider sueing the agent provocateurs/ persecutors for denying them their Constitutional right?

Extinguishing "unGodly" Bushfires.

KUALA LUMPUR, April 23 — The government moved today to soothe uneasiness over Islamic conversion of minors when it decided that children should be raised in the faith of their parents while they were married even if one spouse becomes a Muslim.......
Minister in Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Mohd Nazri Aziz said Muslim converts
still had to meet their marriage commitments in raising their children
in their common religion at the time of their marriage.
-Government rules out children's conversions
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There are many among us who see this as a "conciliatory" move by Umno/Bn towards the non-Malay/Muslim electorate who hold a significant vote bank. Nevertheless, it does indicate that we do have people who are beginning to listen to the cries of the minorities, are pragmatic, and are willing to bring about some change of attitude in Umno. This is a contentious issue which may fracture the nation further if not settled soon. Despite being suspicious of the motives of the Government in making this "goodwill gesture", it has to be admitted that it is a step in the right direction - "1-Malaysia" or not.

Having said that - the cabinet cannot just pass a toothless decree, sit pretty and hope to get away with it, while "the dust settles" - that's because in due time, it will be more than just dust, when it rears its ugly head again. And that is as sure as the sun rising in the east tomorrow! They must make it Law through the parliament, before it can be effective - and it has to be done as soon as yesterday!
The lawmakers must show real leadership, rather than just political acumen which caters to the "tyranny of the majority". They must show that they can see reason and understand humanity, the ability to rise above partisan politics and religious/sectarian chauvinism, to make the right decision for the sake of nationhood.

In saying that "the child should be brought up in the faith at the time of marriage", I take it that it simply means that one parent cannot unilaterally decide on a conversion of a minor, prior to gaining legal custody upon divorce. If the the marriage took place under the civil laws, then it has to be resolved in the same manner. It goes without saying that in cases where the parents did not espouse any religion prior to the dissolution, the child shall remain so until the question of custody is resolved. One cannot be expected to bring up a child without a religion if the guardian does have one, when it is a known fact that the child would instinctively imitate their role model at home as part of their natural milestones in growth.

Therefore, the courts should have no right to determine the manner/ faith in which the child is brought up by the party which gains custody (as long as the child grows up as a person, healthy in mind and body). The courts may however be empowered to determine that the parent who loses custody, accepts the fact that the welfare of the child is paramount- and hence does not contribute to creating conflict and confusion in the mind of the child by forcing a different religion from that espoused by the custodian, upon the child.

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Article 12 (Federal Constitution of Malaysia)
3. No person shall be required to receive instruction in or take part in any ceremony or act of worship of a religion other than his own.
4. For the purposes of Clause (3) the religion of a person under the age of eighteen years shall be decided by his parent or guardian.
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There will be many more arguments which ask the many "what ifs", with many hypothetical scenarios - no religion at time of marriage, only one was this or that, rights of a Muslim/Hindu/Christian/Buddhist parent etc etc etc.
"Aisehman" says that there is some sort of "conflict" in that both parents have a right to decide on the religion of the child, as far as Article 12 (3) & (4) are concerned. IMHO, there is no such thing - the issue is simple actually.
The way I look at it, the rights of parent who is the guardian, takes precedence over that of the one who isn’t.
The main issue here is that of child custody - once that is sorted out, the rest will fall into place - and the court that has to decide/arbitrate on that is the court wherein that the contract of marriage was signed. The question of religion of the minor doesn't arise (as yet, at least). If it is the newly converted spouse gets custody, it becomes that party's choice - QED.

Meanwhile the fear is really in the case of conversions of minors to Islam by one parent without the consent of the other (this seems to occur more in Hindu couples or what?), as the Syariah appears to get involved at every instance - especially since the civil courts tend to chicken out at the first prospect of a challenge from chauvinists.

The Syariah courts should have the courage to boldly court wisdom, and nullify the conversion of under-aged and immature children who are incapable of making reasoned choices (in disputed custodial "battles"). In this age of ICT in the 21st century, the reasoning that attainment of puberty denotes "maturity" (as per primitive presumptions) has to be discarded. They must accept that "maturity" in this context isn't about physical maturity, but the state of mind of the child. And neither does the concept of "everybody is a muslim at birth", legally hold water.

The Syariah courts would be wise not interfere in matters beyond its jurisdiction, even if it involves a Muslim. (There will be those who argue that Islam is a 'complete way of life' and therefore involves all aspects - temporal & spiritual. To them, all I can say is that there isn't one religion in the world that does not make that claim, although they may not be assertive about it - and hence their priority should be that of harmonious coexistence, rather than chauvinism). It has to understand that cannot have jurisdiction over this matter, as it was not party to the contract between the two parties. To deny this fact, would render the syariah courts "irrational, incompetent & meddlesome" in the eyes of non-Muslims and right thinking men, and would consequently be despised as being biased. This breeds animosity, and sets the stage for further conflict, which all right thinking men or schools of thought seek to avoid.
The Syariah Courts, must show itself as a competent and viable alternative to the civil courts - that it can see reason and understand "universal values", so as to earn the respect and confidence of one & all - instead of going on a "jihadi" tangent to "defend Islam" (which an intellectual amoeba called Zul Nordin, might advocate). They must know that they must be seen to be just, and thattheir duties are critical in determining the path the country takes towards achieving nationhood.

"Zul Nordin" or not, all parties need to cooperate to make this reality, by enacting just laws that govern this contentious issue, for the sake of a higher ideal and goal- true Nationhood.
Let men know that they are neither master nor slave ...... That is what Democracy is all about - protection of rule of law & minority rights in the rule of the majority.

Meaningful Values or Political Slogans?

In his Bisik-Bisik Mingguan Awang Selamat column titled Nasib akhbar Melayu, the writer began by saying that he was unsurprised at the "extreme reaction of the non-Malay and opposition media" towards Utusan Malaysia's 15 April report...... Interestingly, he failed to come up with examples of racist comments by the so-called "non-Malay media", and was completely earnest in his belief that Utusan Malaysia could be analogous to the entirety of the Malay-language media.
-"Bangkitlah Orang Melayu", TNG.

Let us make our slogans meaningful. Like a living holy scripture.
- A divisible 'One Malaysia'?, Azly Rahman
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Make slogans "meaningful"???
(With referance to our BN slogans) Excuse me - but I beg to differ. Political slogans only highlight the problem/ illness that permeates the society which is the target audience, and nothing more. It has no purpose, if nothing is done to eradicate the "root cause" (pardon the cliche) of the problem - corruption and authoritarianism (aka "the nanny state", aka "Asian Values").

They are simply tools to rally an ignorant public - "meaning" has no place in political slogans!
In fact, I do not believe that we need any slogans in the first place. Slogans are meant to hoodwink the masses, while they hide a more sinister agenda. These cliche "catch phrases" - it is meant for masses who cannot think, so that they idolize their perceived "leaders".
Slogans are meant for the likes of those who comment on CheCet.cc - they who shower praises on the author for even the silliest or sinister statements without having the faintest idea of what he's saying (just read comments on his inaugural post or even "Mozzarella Cheese", and you'll see what I mean).

Despite all the calls for "change, change and more change" at the recent Umno AGM, nothing changed. They all subscribe to the siege mentality and the "politics of fear" which permeates our political sphere. They all still subscribe to fascist & racist ideals. They all still subscribe to the corruption, which is eating into the very soul of the political leadership and society in general.
For the general public and civil service though, as of now, we have BTN which is designed specifically to sow racist (supremacist/fascist) arrogance among the Malays, while drumming in the feeling of alienation/non-belonging among the "nons". This does no less than breed discord and hatred among the citizenry.
This hatred is in turn, used to manipulate the unthinking into a siege mindset and hopelessness, which in turn encourages the majority to willingly surrender their rights to the elite out of fear.

Fear of the unknown, fear of detention, persecution, dispossession. Fear violence, hunger and death. Politics of fear - That is their ultimate weapon. Not the C4, truncheons, not the army, not Kamunting, not Sungai Buloh. Just Fear - and the main target audience of this brand of politicking is none other than the Malay (although all the others are "welcome" as a sideshow, thank you) electorate, who are made to choose between a "comfortably numb" state of existence (as in the colonial days), or risk alienation by being progressives. Sadly, in these days where many clamour instant gratification while ignoring righteousness & ethics, a vast majority have lost the spirit of the struggle that is life, and chosen the former over the latter.
The propaganda machinery and everything else (including all the institution of state) at the disposal of the powers that be, is designed towards this end. This politics of fear is very much alive and kicking, along with Mahathir bin Mohamed - the much idolized and "worshipped" icon of Umno.

We need to disband BTN, Umno, quasi-religious NGOs and all other pseudo democratic fascist organizations like the one that screamed for Chinese blood in the past, or the one which shouted out "Bangkitlah Melayu" lately. These guys seek to perpetuate a psychological state of war between fellow Malaysians. They are there for only one reason, and that is, to intimidate those who they perceive as the "aliens" into submission; so that they can be subjugated into "cooperation", while their patriotism & sense of belonging is viewed with suspicion.
Although this is no different from the workings of Zionists under Ariel Sharon (who believed that they needed to "negotiate from a position of strength"), Ibrahim Ali and Mahathir would probably be the first ones to throw a fit & froth at their mouths for political mileage, each time the Palestinians (read "muslims only") get bombed to the stone ages - hence their mindless call to the simple folk who depend on wages to feed their children, for boycotts (while they enjoy their normal pleasures).

The sloganeering which has become a culture in our political circles, highlights none other than the hypocrisy that lies underneath. It is simply the smokescreen used to hide the shame that the political elite carry, and it reflects the ignorance & gullibility of the general public, to propaganda.

Thus far, with all the sins which we carry, we cannot "give meaning" to slogans, nor do we need them anyways (unless of course, there is a need to rally the people for a war). The children need to be taught the philosophy/ virtues of "Egalité, Liberté, Fraternité" from a young age, and not the slogan. Children need to be taught universal values of goodwill, and not the mindless sloganeering promoted by politicians and religious bigots.
What we need is an ethical & viable philosophy to guide our nation-state to true "nationhood". As of now, all we have are racists and bigots catering to those who make the most noise - and the potentially most violent ones.
In order to change this trend - the downward spiral into chaos, we need to change the education system and free the media, as opposed to the suggested increase of controls suggested by our sloganeering politicos- nothing less will do.
This would do much better than just - slogans.

Chicken A La Carte!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

Ah! Fine Young Calibans we breed .....

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Ay, that I will; and I'll be wise hereafter,
And seek for grace. What a thrice-double ass
Was I to take this drunkard for a god,
And worship this dull fool!
- William Shakespeare, The Tempest: Act V, Scene I

"If this trend continues to grow, I fear that it will create an unhealthy writing culture, a writing culture which nurtures lies, a writing culture which is unethical and ready to ignore fact and one that will have a negative influence on the development of the people's minds," he said.
- Raja Nazrin worried about writing trend, TNG

“Still, we will strive to use our intellect to answer those questions that are raised in these (critical) socio-political blogs, rather than to resort to these laws all the time.”
-Rais Yatim, New info czar dines with bloggers, MalaysiaKini

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At first take, one would've thought that he was approaching bloggers accross the board. When Rais says that “It is important that prominent bloggers remain credible, because their critique is accepted by the masses”, one might be tempted to believe that this guy is being pro-active.
Oh yeah, he's got these "rules" - He did also say, “There are certain rules and tactics for blogging which are a long part of our culture as Malays and Muslims."
(So his target audience are Malays and Muslims ..... and the other don't have to comply with these stupid rules! Yippee!)

From the above quotes, it is quite obvious that he first and foremost seeks to play the race and religion card to apply his "intellect", which he claims he intends to use. He plays these cards so that he can get people/ bloggers to toe the racist agenda of the state propaganda - this is after his Umno pals and the MSM mercenary "journalist" railed and verbally abused bloggers as being "unemployed housewives", "monkeys" and what not.
Now the fall from grace of the Umno warlords is due to the anti establishment bloggers who successfully reached out with messages that resonated with the general public.

These guys who attended the "dinner" (which was presumably paid by taxpayers), on the other hand are pro Umno bloggers anyways - so what exactly is our Rais trying to do? Preach to the converted, or just give them some free makan? Maybe there are other incentives too ... I wouldn't know. (incidently, the "big guns" among the bloggers are the very same guys who attended the "sime darby meeting").

Just what is on the minds of these government lackeys/politicos? Keep harping on racism and religiosity through their stale "Ketuanan Melayu/Budaya Islam" and hope to win the hearts of their citizens all around? Now they want people like Syed (ha ha!) to start an online campaign using Melayu and Islamic culture to win over the non-Malays? Oh no, I forgot- I think they don't care about the non-Malays.
All that matters to them is their Fascist ideas of Racist supremacy - and they think the Malays are stupid enough to fall for their Malay unity rhetoric.....

Moving on - there may be some credibility to what Rais's belief that many Malays, and maybe some "Malay" Indian Muslims too (I promised RPK not to say "mamak" - lest they feel insulted/ belittled, and their Umno membership be revoked), would fall for these govt propaganda - The "literature" peddled by DBP and our govt-sponsored "intellectuals" is definitely a shining example of their achievements - hence Raja Nazrin's comments lately.

However, before HH Raja Nazrin speaks of literary/ethical "values/standards", he should comment on our education and ethical/philosophical standards of our politicos in power, which lies in the pits. The "crutch-mentality" and the desire to be a suck-up for the sake of financial rewards, is uppermost on the minds of these lackeys who claim these exalted position. (It is anybody's guess if the "bloggers" who Rais preached to, fall in this category).

Only then he should be commenting on the standard of gutter journalism & "literature" practiced in the Malay MSM & tabloids/ mags which makes fools of its readers, and borders on seditious to boot ....

The "arts"/ the media are simply a "mirror" - it reflect the philosophy/ culture of the society in which it is "nurtured".
Fine young Caliban this guys is ....... and they rage at what they see in the mirror!
He ("Mr. Info Czar" & others like him, while in denial about the state of affairs, simply don't like the reflection they see. It is a pity, comment they should, on the ethics & philosophy of their own backyards, before going a notch further to lecture others on standards and "rules".

IMHO, each one of "them" who attempt to appear to speak for excellence - is just one more among many who are barking up the wrong tree and attempt appear "intellectual" for political mileage..... or do they truly happen to mistake the trees for the forest?
In all probability, it is the former - but (considering their "intellect"), the latter cannot be ruled out.

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CALIBAN: No more dams I'll make for fish
Nor fetch in firing At requiring;
Nor scrape trencher, nor wash dish
'Ban, 'Ban, Ca-Caliban
Has a new master: get a new man.
Freedom, hey-day! hey-day, freedom!
freedom, hey-day, freedom!
STEPHANO: O brave monster! Lead the way.

- The Tempest 2.2

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True stories from Bolehland 2

By James Chin, MalaysianInsider

APRIL 23 — Here are some more incredible (but true) stories from the land of make believe, Bolehland. Bolehland is a country far, far away where everything is possible, where the strange and unbelievable is actually everyday life, where anyone with the proper connections can get away with anything, and where the words “accountability”, “fair”, “just” do not exist. All the stories are taken from the Bolehland mainstream media so they must be true.

1. All chairmen must fly first class for the sake of subordinates

This a direct quotation from a former mentri besar (chief minister) who is alleged to have spent RM1.7 million on “study trips” to places like Disneyland during the holiday season. I’m sure this former MB learnt a lot from his “study trips” since we know when he came back, he never builds anything close to resembling Disneyland. Anyway, back to the quote. When asked about the huge amount spent on the trips, e.g. first-class tickets, this is what he had to say: “You must remember when I was the (PNSB) chairman. I have my entitlement. If I were to reduce my entitlement to what an officer gets then what is the officer going to reduce to? I am the chairman. There is the deputy chairman, board of directors, government officers going along. If I fly business class (not first class), then what happens to my state secretary? He will complain. If I am travelling alone it is easier. But I am travelling with a group of people and if I downgrade myself — it’s a problem for the others.” So there you have it. Airlines have first class in order to help those below the chairman’s post get business class. You cannot have a chairman flying coach or business class otherwise what will his subordinates think? He will lose the respect of his subordinates in addition to forcing them to fly coach. In Bolehland, the most important thing is protocol and entitlements. This is the reason why there are so many applicants who want to be politicians. If you are a VVIP, you must be in first class or not go at all. How dare you expect politicians to sit in economy. Economy is for taxpayers like you and me.

2. You are only poor if you don’t have a TV or Astro

According to the NST, the Welfare Department says if you have a TV or Astro, then you do not qualify for government aid since you are not “hardcore poor”. The department bars the disabled from getting welfare aid if they have Astro or a television set at home. The rule applies even if one lives in someone else's house, temporarily or otherwise. In one case, a disabled 40-year-old, paralysed from the neck downwards, who lives with her partly-paralysed mother, was afraid of getting a TV and Astro connection after being warned by a welfare officer that they would cut aid to them if she did so.

This is the first time I have heard that in Bolehland having a TV is considered to be “rich”. Nevermind that a new small TV nowadays cost less than RM200. You can also get a second hand one for free in some charity shops. In the case of the disabled, what do the authorities in Bolehland want them to do? Sit around and stare at the wall all day long? The answer is “yes” because if they stare at a TV, they are no longer poor.

3. The “best best boss” can be found in Bolehland

What is the best company to work for in Bolehland? The answer is Maika Holdings. And how do I know that? Simple, read what happened at an inquest in the death of an Indian actress, Sujatha, who died last year. This actress also worked as a PA to the boss of Maika. To cut the story short, during the inquest it was revealed that the boss of Maika, who is also the son of a VVIP, just loved to look after his employees. He gave this actress RM200,000 in cash for her apartment, funding for medical treatment and education, and also for her two brothers’ education in Australia. The boss also acted as the guarantor for the hire-purchase loan which Sujatha took out to purchase a Mazda RX8 sports car. He also took her for a holiday in Perth.

Wow, I wish to nominate the boss of Maika for Bolehland’s “Best Best Boss” award for his undying kindness and welfare of his employees. Is Maika hiring? I’m sure millions of workers are lining up to join. With a boss like this, there will never be any issue of strikes, unhappiness in the workplace, fake MCs, days off, etc. Malaysian workers will be the envy of the world.

4. If you don’t report it, it does not exist

There is one company in Bolehland that owns all the private free-to-air TV stations. Apparently, one of the big bosses in this company, MP, sent out an email telling the editorial staff that they cannot report that some VVIP and his wife might be involved in a Mongolia murder case. Thus if it is not reported, then it is clear that there are no links, and therefore there is no case. Who says you cannot make things disappear? Who cares if the international press has all gone to town with the same story.

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Another Bolehland Story from MalaysiaKini:

False police report lodged against Malaysiakini

Apr 23, 09 11:30am

updated 12.17pm When contacted, the complainants were not even aware that Malaysiakini had not published the article said to have insulted the Perak royal family.